The Relief Column
By request, a place for jokes, memes, and all manner of shenanigans.
The End-of-Semester Hail Mary
Gaily bedight, A gallant knight, In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song, In search of Eldorado.
But he grew old— This knight so bold—
And o’er his heart a shadow—
Fell as he found No spot of ground That looked like Eldorado.
And, as his strength
Failed him at length, He met a pilgrim shadow—
‘Shadow,’ said he,
‘Where can it be— This land of Eldorado?’
‘Over the Mountains Of the Moon, Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,’ The shade replied,— ‘If you seek for Eldorado!’
—Edgar Allen Poe
Poem 013: Did I Miss Anything?
Nothing. When we realized you weren’t here we sat with our hands folded on our desks in silence, for the full two hoursEverything. I gave an exam worth 40 percent of the grade for this term and assigned some reading due today on which I’m about to hand out a quiz worth 50 percent
Nothing. None of the content of this course has value or meaning Take as many days off as you like: any activities we undertake as a class I assure you will not matter either to you or me and are without purposeEverything. A few minutes after we began last time a shaft of light suddenly descended and an angel or other heavenly being appeared and revealed to us what each woman or man must do to attain divine wisdom in this life and the hereafter This is the last time the class will meet before we disperse to bring the good news to all people on earth.
Nothing. When you are not present how could something significant occur?
Everything. Contained in this classroom is a microcosm of human experience assembled for you to query and examine and ponder This is not the only place such an opportunity has been gathered
but it was one place
And you weren’t here
Masters of the language of deflection
The importance of units
It’s-A Me, Mario!
My inbox at the end of the semester
Found on /r/absoluteunits
Names are included with each submission upon request.
Submitted by Makenzie Symonds (Fall 2020)
Submitted by Megan Fowler (Fall 2020)